Fear of intimacy

24 Augustus 2021


You know when people tell you're afraid of intimacy? Well, perhaps you do have a good reason for that. 

Perhaps it's that every time a loved one shows intimacy they fucking DIE. 

Like Mauw Zedong who was used to sleeping all day after going out all night, and that one afternoon came and joined me while I was taking a nap and he was all purring and purring and burrying his sweet muzzle into my chest. I remember thinking: wtf.

That night he was run over on the street under the pouring rain. 

Same with a former cat Mufasa, my all times great love of a he-cat. Came to say goodbye and went away to fucking die in the gutter.

Also my great dane, my pride and joy, mi gudu, who was a huge darling but absolutely not a kisser, who once came to my desk at work to thoroughly lick my typing hand. I thought: oh my god no. But he being so young, a teenager still, I dismissed the thought.

But yes. A day or so after that, he suddenly took a turn for the worst and was put to sleep by the vet. Just like that.

So pardon me if I am afraid of intimacy.

Which I am not, by the way. I love it. I am just making a point. Because it pisses me off now when people throw this in someone's face, as if it was the worst they could do. 

You never, never know what people are going through.

- Aanraders -